Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
