Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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