Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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