I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
