flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
