I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
