Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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