oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
