I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The Olympian is in my bed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
