I'm going to jail i love you
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
