I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
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I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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