Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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