Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
