WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
