haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
