so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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