ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
What a dumb baby whore.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
