I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
