I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize