Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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