So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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