The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
