He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
