Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
