i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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