apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
