my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
