She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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