i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
