1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
