Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
