Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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