I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
