I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
