Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
