Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
