o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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