nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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