Hippo gnu deer
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
