Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
