I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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