I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
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i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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