and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
