Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
