So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
