And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
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you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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