wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
MIDGETS
????
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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