I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
