LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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