my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
