i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
