ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
