had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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