where am i from again
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
