He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
