I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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