i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
