So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
