Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
