Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
