I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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