First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
