somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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