I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
