I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I love having hate sex.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
