I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
as a side note pls kill me
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