Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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