who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
