Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
