I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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