final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
