I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
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I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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