I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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